March 8, 2021

Lost Again!

Lost and found!

Have you ever told yourself "I will never let this happen again" but yet somehow it happens again? Yeah, that is basically the story of my life currently. How was I before and how am I now? Is something ever actually lost? 

"Here I am, I have lost myself again. I want to hide but where? What comes will go, what is found will be lost again. But what you are is beyond description. At that exact moment, everything about my life changed forever. That is life, to begin again when everything is lost. I don't care who I lose anymore, as long as I don't lose myself again, I know I'll be okay."

Before going through the experience I recently went through, I was mostly focused on continuing to better myself as a person. A priory I made for myself many years ago. Though it was easier said than done, it brought a lot of changes in every aspect of my life. To the point where I was really satisfied with my achievements, projects, and most importantly, with myself. 

For many, 2020 was the year of new experiences, and without a doubt, it sure was for me as well. One of the things I love doing is traveling and I take any opportunity to do so as often as I can. Sometimes even alone, which I have no problem doing because part of traveling is meeting new people and is something easy for me to do. With that being said, I got the pleasure to meet someone who I find really attractive but yet, somewhat familiar. Normally after any trip, I lose contact or just keep in touch with the people I meet on social media but nothing more than that. This case was different and it felt good. Experiencing those feelings again after many years sure was amazing but was somewhat scary too because I also knew where those feelings could lead to. Regardless, I decided to go for it and invest in the possibility of something. Something unknown but interesting to which I looked forward to. But curiosity killed the cat and it sure killed a part of me I was scared to face. 

Now I'm here, feeling like all those years invested in myself has gone to waste. There's no secret that I'm upset, mad, and mostly hurt. But while I may not feel my best emotionally, in reality not everything has gone to waste. I'm proud to have built a base to rely on like my career, those around me, and most importantly, knowing I'll be okay. 

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