July 23, 2021

Before Tomorrow

There's no tomorrow without today! 

Have you ever been stuck between "you only live once" and "work hard for a better future"? That's exactly where I've been stuck lately. As I analyze my life, think about my previous achievements, and wondering what is next. Let me share with you where I am in life currently. 

For some reason - besides global warming - it has been raining pretty much every other day here in New York. I'm only a fan of rainy days when I have low-key days but having cloudy days more than sunny days really gets me under the weather. Which has been giving me more time to get myself into my own head once again and ask myself, how am I doing mentally, physically, and most importantly, emotionally.

Honestly, in the last few months, my mental health has gotten so much better. I have been very open about finally taken the step of going to therapy. Just as I thought, I do have a very mild case of ADHD, and turn out I'm not as crazy as many people think. I know, shocking! Therapy has made me realize that I'm a strategic thinker, which makes fails and changes feel uncomfortable. Luckily, I now feel more comfortable and understand that not everything goes according to plan. That has also helped me with other little things that go into my head and lower my anxiety. 

Physically, I'm at a point where I'm okay by how I look, but definitely not comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to blame the lack of movement within the last two years because there have been options. Options that unfortunately have been somewhat hard to find the motivation to do. Why? Because I think of fitness as a task rather than a lifestyle. Thought I tell myself that is a lifestyle, is easier said than done. I’ve been slowly been focusing on making slow changes and most importantly, give myself better reasons rather than look better or slimmer. 

Emotionally, I’m a mess! Yeah, I say I’m a mess because I’m at a point where I don’t even know where I stand emotionally, and unfortunately saying that I’m a mess feels a lot more accurate than saying I’m fine or great. I know why I feel the way I do and also know that there’s not much to do about it but to focus on greater things. When I was younger I was always avoiding my emotions and never understood them. Which lead me to focus more on learning how to ignored or delete them, instead of learning to comprehend them. Now, I know I can’t avoid or delete them but rather try to comprehend why I feel the way I do, where those emotions are coming from, and do something about it. 

Mental, physical, and emotional health always go together, and right now they are all on different levels that I would consider in working progress. One last thing I would say is, I can’t complain much about my life or my past. I’m proud & understanding more about it has given me a different perspective of the things I’ve gone through. Before moving on to my next chapter in life, I want to focus on my today so I can work on a better future. 

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